Friday, June 23, 2006

Gossip Is Better Than Sex:

And don't even front like it aint.

I mean, whyyyyy for the love of God, why do we love it so?!?!? It's a relationship impossible to break - like ones love for Chipotle, perhaps. The feeling one gets off the drama of others truly is impossible to resist, let alone recreate. Somehow, it's ingrained in the human psyche to be attracted to and appreciate anothers misfortune. As soon as one approaches with a "Tellllllll me why," the ears begin to perk, the heart begins to race, and all things that mattered previously cease to exist. Your attention becomes focused and you're more attentive than even the sharpest student in class. The scenario is always the same for Gossip transcends race, gender, social class, and even intelligence. First, someone will give you that look: perhaps a come hither stare or a piercing gaze that makes you question what's on their mind. Then, you'll make moves to a more secure location (no ones supposed to know, right?) You look over your shoulders, lower your voice and sit down. As they prepare to spill the beans, your body quivers with anticipation. "GOD! What are they going to say???? Who are they going to talk about????" Oh, how that anticipation can be the most satisfying aspect of a juicy story about to unfold. Comparable to the sexual tension between man and woman, the imminent release of the juiciest gossip can almost seem orgasmic (almost like that first kiss.) The story could be long and drawn out or short and to the point. Like sex, sometimes you are disappointed, "That's it?!?!? Thats all ya got?" or more often, confused, "Are you serious?!?!? I've definitely heard (or had) better." Other times, and I mean on rare occasions, you're incredibly blown away. For real, have you ever experienced a situation where the most juiciest of juicy Gossip befell your ears???? I'm talking about the kind that leaves you speechless? Well, aside from maybe a long and drawn out DAAAAAAAMN!!! It's quite a site to behold, to say the least.

Usually, if the juiciness continues, new information seamlessly ebbs and flows and before you know it, you're delving for more. "What else, what else?" you may hastily ask. "Well, I remember this one time," you may chime in. Or more often you'll reply, "Well, lemme just tell you about X and Y. OH! And have you heard about so and so?? So the cycle continues as does an unsuspecting night full of Orgasmic Gossip. It truly is the original O.G.

Gossip has been proven to be more addictive than...dare I say it...CRACK! Seriously. Check the studies. There is scientific evidence on the relevance of Gossip in our everyday lives. Don't believe me? Google "Gossip and Science." According to Bill Nye and whomeverthehell, Gossip tends to keep the social order and people in check. You don't want to be the one people are talking about, now do you? By keeping the status quo, minding your business, and securing the premises, you leave little room for the chitter-chatter. But in all honesty, who really lives like that?? Who would want to live like that?? Have you ever noticed that those who get "Gossiped" the most are usually those who go against the flow and do their own thing regardless of what their social scene or situation deems appropriate? We all know peeps be talking. Peeps always be talking. Hey, as a matter of fact, weren't YOU just talking?!?! Well, talk is talk and talk is cheap (unless you're the publishers of the National Inquirer, lol.) But aside from that, no one is truly immune to the vocal calamities of others. I do know one thing: there are many forms of Gossip and this is where the line is drawn between malicious and informational. But damn if that malicious Gossip aint the life force of this country. Have you read People, Us Weekly, or In Touch Magazine?!?!? ADDICTING!!

How does one get off an addiction thats juicier than even the finest steak and so much more satisfying? Ruth Chris got nothing on some good solid juicy gossip!! Maybe we should all go on a diet. An O.G. diet. Lol!! Who am I kidding?? Gossip is seriously here to stay. I don't really mind it..... well, that is, unless I'm the one being "Gossiped."


Blogger DCVita said...

And taking these drugs may cause "vomiting, diarrhea, heart attack, stroke, loss of sight, loss of hearing, and in most cases cause death". SIGN ME UP! I think what they are promoting is a legal way to commit suicide!

5:21 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home