Monday, June 26, 2006


I'm in my room chillin like a villain and the following commercial comes on:

T.V: "My friends, when you sit down, do you have the sudden urge to get back up? If so, then maybe you have Restless Leg Syndrome."

Me: "WTF?!?!? Hahaha!!! Restless. Leg. Syndrome. You're kidding right? One minute your legs are chillin and BAM they get restless??? Good lord, the world is on crack, lol!"

T.V.: "No, we are not on crack. Your legs are restless and you need to buy this drug."

"Hahaha, whatever dude."

T.V. (hypnotically) "Your leeeeeeegs are getting reeeessstlessss."

Me: "Ha..... waaaait, you know what? I kind of do have a sudden urge to get up right now. OMG! My legs are feeling kinda weeeeird...."

Aaaaand Scene.

I am sort of a hypochondriac when it comes to my health and I recently saw this commercial and tripped out. At first, I thought I was watching a Saturday Night Live parody or something off of Dave Chapelle. I couldn't stop laughing!! I kept thinking back to that one Chapelle show skit where he couldn't sleep and his wife gave him this bucket of ribs instead of sleeping pills. lol! It was hilarious and this commercial just seemed too crazy to have any validity. But then, I started to think, do I have Restless Leg Syndrome?!?!?

Luckily, I snapped out of it and realized what had just happened. I became a victim of the "hard sell." Big Pharma is oh so good at this marketing ploy. I went online and searched for information partly because I couldn't believe there was an actual disease of this sort and also because I'm, well, a hypochondriatic freak. Turns out, the commercial is for real. Google it if you must. And no, I don't have this retarded ass disease. It got me thinking though, there really is a drug for everything nowadays and they market to people(like me) who freak out and think they need to buy it.

And the sad thing is, there really are people out there who are going buy it. They aren't freaking, but KIRKING out and believe they have this crazy ass leg disease when maybe all they really needed to do was "get up" and take a crap or something. Like, when you sit down and have a sudden urge to "get back up" it could be ANYTHING! Maybe ADHD? Was the phone ringing? I don't know. They could have at least named it something more medical sounding. Like, Appendage Dysfunction Syndrome. (A.D.S. for short.) I am really waiting for these pharmaceutical companies to say, "Do you breathe? If so, you may have a problem. Studies have shown that 9 out of 10 people breathe too much. Holla at your doctor then holla at this drug."

Okay, this could very well be a viable disease in which people suffer from (I did do some research, btw). I do believe that pharmaceutical companies make many drugs that help those in need. But, I also believe that these companies have underlying objectives whenever they release a new drug. These are big businesses we are talking about and with big business comes big money and even bigger marketing schemes.

I am not much of a conspiracy theorist (okay, well, maybe I am a little) but I have been a little suspicious of drug companies and their real motives in helping the sick. Ever since the Merk scandal with Vioxx, I've been doing double takes with every medication commercial that comes on the television. These corporations are out to make money and maybe one way is to "create" new diseases or ailments which will perpetuate the market into purchasing their drugs. I know what you guys may be thinking. "Creating" a disease? This chick is crazy. No bitches. It's called pedalling paranoia or "niche" marketing. Google. Thanks.

If you think about it, Ritalin and Adderal are basically legalized crack. BUT it is also crack that is helping those who may need it. Vioxx was intended to help those with arthritic problems and Zoloft helps those with depression. BUT Vioxx = heartattack and Zoloft = suicide. Oh, the tangled cracked-out web we weave.

I'm no doctor, so I really have no idea what I'm talking about. Really, I dont. I just wonder sometimes if curing a disease is as profitable as perpetuating one. In this instance, one could essentially compare Big Pharma to Big Tobacco. They both use insane marketing techniques which are often criticized for their lack of concern for the overall health of the public. There is always an underlying objective for them: Making money by any means necessary.

Big Pharma isn't out to serve the public or their employers. Their main focus and objectives are geared towards investors. These are people who put money into a company anticipating a massive return. When this happens, the bottom line becomes monetary and less humane. Sell, sell, sell is their motto. As we do not live in a socialist country our health care system does not compensate for this form of business. There becomes this sort of discrepancy between those who cannot afford the proper medication and those who are out buying medication they may not even need.

The hard sell is the marketing technique this industry uses to get people to buy their drugs. It's the ideology of instilling fear. Freak out about your legs and buy some drugs. Often they use vague and uber generalized symptom descriptions in their efforts to persuade the public. It's psychological and its a shame.

I guess education is the only form of protection from such techniques.

Anyfreakinways, my legs are feelin a little restless right now. I think I'm gonna get up and holla at some ribs.


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