Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I was talking with some of my girlfriends a while back about what it means to grow up and leave behind the good old days of partying all night long and living life as if it were going outta style. Though none of us are totally into geezerdom and still enjoy our partying ways, we have noted some tell tail signs that none of us can deny. For one; we cant drink like we used to (that kind of saddens me a smidge.) Two; I personally have found ONE grey hair..... collectively 4. Three; we find ourselves worried about retirement funds and investing. Four; our taste in music has slightly evolved from the teeny bopper pop hits to more sophisticated tunes. Five; What's Nickelodeon? The list went on and on and on. Towards the end of the conversation we all came to the conclusion that we would watch out for each other throughout the years as to ensure that our demise into old age isn't completely unbearable. So, as we sat around drinking our wine (yes, wine!! I think that's another sign of my old ass) we defined "completely unbearable" to mean "Mom Jeans." That night we held hands and swore to never allow another to be caught dead in "Mom Jeans."

Those who don't know what "Mom Jeans" are need to recognize now so that you can perhaps save one of your friends in the future. For an idea, just look into any elementary or junior high school parking lot. You should see a row of mini-vans along the side of the road waiting to pick up some children. The woman in the driver seat is more than likely wearing a quilted vest complete with the undeniable "Mom Jeans." The quilted vest tends to correspond with the seasons; pumpkins, Santas, or Easter bunnies. Sometimes these "Mom Jeaners" will get out of the car (to the despair of their teenage children) and wait outside with milk and cookies and a hug. You see these "M.J.ers" in the grocery store with their kids in tow searching through the cereal aisle bright and early on Saturday mornings usually as your hung-over ass is searching throw the medicine aisle looking for Tylenol.

This "Mom Jeans" ideal doesnt just affect the mothers. No, No. There are those without children who have been bit by the "M.J,"bug. Scarlet Johanssen for example walked out in broad daylight in a pair of "Mom Jeans." As you can see, this epidemic does not discriminate. Basically the main idea is this; as soon as we start to "look" our age, we promised each other to bitch slap some sense and a stylist into our consciousness.

Watch this clip for a visual representation of what NOT to wear. And I swear to god if anyone one of you bitches see me wearing Mom Jeans and dont say anything some caps will be busted.


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