Wednesday, November 29, 2006

It has been brought to my attention that there is an epidemic running rapid amongst our most favorite Hollywood starlets. It is not drugs, booze, or over partying. It has nothing to do with their choice of work or boyfriends. It, my friends, has to do with the extreme overexposure of the Snatch. Now to those of you who are not familiar with the word Snatch, let me reiterate:

Poon nay nay
Under Belows
Lady Bits
Nook and Cranny

....ya'll you get my drift. Although I hate to post two blogs in a row discussing the lady bits, this most recent event betwixt a Miss Britney Spears has called me to take action.

Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears have all been victims of "Over Snatch Exposure" Perhaps by no fault of their own, these women have let their Snatches rein free to the paparazzi and in turn to the public. Honestly, I feel their Snatches are out of control. It appears that each Snatch has its own personal agenda. Perhaps they are angry with their owners, no? I can see the Snatches going to bed each night with nightmares filled with flash bulbs, loud noise, a crack rocks. Now, I ain't even gonna talk about the "Nip Slips" that are equally running rapid, because, ya know, bitties just ain't that serious.

Anways, here are some examples. They are edited out cause this ain't Playboy:

Britney On Crack:
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Lindsay On Crack:
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Paris On Crack:
Well, I mean, the bitch had a video out...

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


I spoke to Shitney (oh, wait, Whitney) Pooston (I mean, Houston) via cell phone this afternoon. Being that she survied the "Crack Years" she had these words of wisdom:

"These damn Ho's. I swear to Jesus. I aint never showed my Poontang to neh one of them papparazo's. I mean, damn. I been on crack and shit. I been's on some suuuurious crack, nah mean? I used to sprinkle that junks on my Rice Krispies. And in my coffee. And on my toothbrush. And in my weave. And on some more crack........anyways, how'm I gonna be on crack all my life and my Poon nay nay stay on lock" Aint that some shit and a bitch"

I asked her further questions but I found it difficult to hear her above the loud crunching of Cheetos. It seems that everytime I interview this woman she got a damn bag a Cheetos. Anyways, from what I gathered,

"Yeah, so I mean, these skeezes need to recognize, ya know? Ya'll know crack is wack. I aint on the shit no mo (crunch) I managed to kick Bobby to the curb (crunch) and move on(crunnnch.) My crack house is now a crack...ahem... I mean.... it's now a home. If ya'll bitches (crunch) are hearing me, lay of that crack, keep your cooch on lock, and BUY SOME DAMN DRAWLS, SHEEIT!! (crunch).

She promptly hung up after what I am assuming to be a long crunch session. For the love of God would someone give this woman a Frito-Lay contract! But anyways...

This is an open letter to these women. Britney, Paris, and Lindsay:

Would you please keep you Poons covered. Preferably with some undergarments. Do you know what undergarments are? They are pretty little coverings for your lady bits. Some people call them underwear, thongs, drawls, "bit"coverings, stockings, what have you. They can be bought at Victoria's Secret, Frederick's of Hollywood, or at your local K-Mart in the .99ยข bin. We can perhaps pull together a fund to support the covering of your Poons, so let a sista know.

Me and the rest of civilized society


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