Thursday, December 14, 2006

Dude, wackness of the century.

I was on this Facebook forum and noticed a man wrote a rant about women and their expectations. I will post it here as well as my response to his madness.

The Wackness:

Its a must i respond to the man-hating going on over at Syd's blog...
its so neccessary. Im not gonna mince words, Ima just get right to it.
(btw, if it sounds harsh, i dont mean it to, im just playin with yall,
u know that already tho)

Women have way too many expectations. Not that you arent allowed to
expect certain things, many of you just WANT WANT WANT without working
to GET GET GET. The best way to get the perfect man (or woman) in many
cases is to make them yourself. Heres what I mean:

Not every guy you run into a) has the ability to read blogs and
whatnot to find out how and how not to approach women, b) has the
money or means to afford such upkeep (sad but damn true), or c) has
any reason to even care. In such cases, they need help. Women you
swear you are willing to work with your man but all i hear is 'we
wanna man that can do this and do that'. Well what if they CANT, dont
know HOW, or dont WANT to because they figure whats the point?

Create your man. Get you an ugly duckling and turn him into the Prince
of the Ball. The one advantage that this creates above all others is

Instead you get men who already got it like dat and then he ends up
treating you wrong and sleeping with ya girl. (yeah we didnt see THAT
one coming).


Heres what WE want:

1. Do your toes. No guy wants a girl thats fine right down until you
get to the toes and you got Eagle talons with ashy heels... Fix ya
feet ladies... please. We want to be able to say our girl is fine from
head to toe, not from head to "almost" the toes.

2. Already said it... SHAVE SHAVE SHAVE... and when you aint shit else
to shave. SHAVE summo. We dont want our boys to say "Slim? yeah he go
out wit dat Yeti from up north."

3. Dont go bragging about us to your friends when something is good
and then talk shit about us when something goes wrong. If you with
us... you are WITH us. We dont want no hot/cold weather days. THAT
(for the record) is how you end up gettin called a 'crazy bit**"

4. THERE IS NO QUOTA for talking on the phone. OK? We are not required
to spend X amount of minutes per day on the phone with you. Its
QUALITY not QUANTITY. You wanna talk that bad, get a recorder and talk
to yaself.

5. When we approach you, DO NOT be quick to assume that we are trying
to smash... ok? Smashing comes later (lol) but for the time being, why
cant we really be trying to actually TALK to you. Maybe we are sick of
the endless amounts of dumb chicks walking around here and truly want
to talk to someone about more than the Real World and/or Athletes.

6. A LOT of yall need to stop asking guys how many women they've slept
with. Its obvious that many of yall dont really want to know, as is
evident by the decreased volume of phone calls once the number is put
out there. On that note, stop asking us questions that you ALREADY
KNOW you wont believe the answers to. You ask us stuff knowing that
youre going to ask someone ELSE the answer on top of what we say.

7. Women... listen carefully, this one is near and dear to my heart.
If you are involved with someone new and that old someone is still
around tryin to get at you, then get RID of person 2. I cant seem to
get yall to understand, there is a thing called HOPE and as long as
you dont tell a guy straight up to "LEAVE YOU THE F*CK ALONE" he will
continue to get at you because he HOPES that you will give in. He
HOPES that because you didnt tell him to F*ck off, that he must still
(then you wanna ack like we wrong when we wanna whoop his ass)

8. Underarm deodorant... IF WE CAN SEE IT... ITS GROSS... get rid of
the white residue... rub it in or something... we dont like that.

9. Stop stabbing each other in the back. Its my opinion that guys are
much more loyal to each other than women are to one another. Maybe im
wrong but i dont think so considering i have females actually agreeing
with me.

10. Do women DATE anymore? Im curious

11. Common misconception... We dont like no punks either. Yall dont
want no soft men, we dont want no PUNK girls either. So get ya WEIGHT
up. Figuratively. Dont want no Moniques when you were originally a
Halle Berry. I guess that was point 12. oh well.

12. Also women... i appreciate your sincere attempts at letting guys
of easy (i.e. wrong phone number -- never happened to me *smile*) but
i was at a club recently and a friend of mine was tryna get at another
friend of mine. I wasnt gonna play match maker so they had at it. He
gettin at her... she pushing him off to her friend in a sly way. He
noticed but neither one of them led on to know what other was doing.
Long story short. He didnt like it, i wouldnt like it either. We are
big boys, we can take rejection. Some of us... others cry like bitches
but most of us can take it. Just tell us what it is.


My Response
Expectations, expectations, expectations!!!

When someone enters into a relationship expecting this or expecting that, there is always going to be drama. Essentially, meeting someone new is a blank slate. That slate soon becomes tarnished with crazy expectations and unreasonable demands. I find that some men and women have this “sense of entitlement” straight Kanye/P. Diddy style. I don’t know where it may come from, but walking around like your shit don’t stank will only attract shit. But I digress…..

In the beginning of a relationship there is always that euphoric feeling- that honeymoon phase- where the excitement of that special someone overrides any possible flaws they may have. This phase lasts but a minute and soon all those "expectations" you pushed aside in the beginning start to take over.

I believe there to be a difference between expectations and STANDARDS. Standards I feel are those that you put into action OFF THE BREAK. Say you're talking to a girl/guy and their toes are busted. According to you, that's a standard you are not willing to put up with. NEXT, lol! For others, being college educated, ambitious, and having a basic sense of REALITY are standards that allow for that second date. Standards can also be known as “deal breakers.”

I believe that women aren't necessary full of insane expectations insomuch as we have standards that can be exceedingly high. This can be to our detriment as well as to our benefit. I'm sorry, but not all of us are gonna holler (or allow a holleration from) a scrub of the century. When I say scrub, I mean still living in your momma's house, yo momma still cooks and cleans for you, you don’t have a job/career, basically a lack of ambition or drive. I KNOW men expect the same thing. They don’t want a woman who sits at home all day eating bon-bons and watching Soap Operas all damn day. Have some ambition, some drive, a sense of wanting to grow as a person. These are called STANDARDS.

As someone has noted, everyone has different standards. A happy relationship occurs when both party’s standards ( or values) are parallel to each other. Sometimes meeting someone who meets your standards takes a while. Herein lies the problem with a lot of women and men. When your standards are SO HIGH don’t expect to find someone ASAP! You are being hypocritical in that you list allll these things you expect out of a woman, but complain when a woman has the same concerns!!

* Men: Don’t hate cause all the women you meet are “Dumb Chicks” Hello? But the club isn’t the place to holla at a girl. How about you take up a hobbie and find a girl there? The bookstore? Damn Church!?!?!?! Oh, and don’t say “women don’t date” when all you are looking for is the next Halle Barry with perfect toes and a hairless poon nay nay who shouldn’t expect a call from you but once a week. LOL!!

It will seriously take a lifetime to find these ideals. But if that is what YOU want, then you deserve to have it – never settle. But in this same instance, don’t complain about the long (and sometimes lonely) process of getting there.

As far as shaving the balls/poon, toes, etc. As you have noted, it's all SUPERFICIAL. You can get your toes done, get a brazillian, etc. If your girls toes are looking like who done it and why, buy her a spa package for her bday/xmas/valentines day, whatever. Same goes for women. If you care about someone, those things seem to not matter, do they?

I believe the younger the girl/guy, the more superficial the expectations get. Maturity is the cure for superficial expectations. As you age you begin to realize that PERSONALITY and VALUES last longer than that manicure, weight, body type, or pair of Air Force ones. I'm sorry, but when we are all 55yrs old our toes are gonna be busted, you men are all gonna be bald with beer bellies, and we women may put on a little weight (can you say CHILDBIRTH?) . Lol! So sad, but so true. Look at your grandparents. I'm sure some of ya'll got some fly grannies - but still. Ya’ll know what I'm getting at.

(about the balls though, I mean, they DO have scissors. Just do a lil trim, lol. Cut them naps off at least! Steady hands make for a clean shave!)

Oh, about the smashing thang, PLEASE let’s all be honest here. The men in the age range that allows Facebook accounts, I'll say 18-28yrs (have to account for them grad students) are all interested in ONE thing. Please men, be honest with your selves. It is a biological instinct. It’s nothing against your gender or anything, its mere nature. You see a fine lady and you imagine what it would be like to “get to herrrrrrrr and her booooooty!” DONT LIE!! So, us women KNOWING THIS, will put up a slight front. Why do you think all our daddy's didn’t want us dating in high school (or sometimes college for that matter, lol!) They KNEW what ya'll were about! And again, it's nothing against your gender (or ours for that matter) it’s just the reality of it. So please don’t hate on those that decide to place a value on our "Goodies" and make you work for it. I find that men RESPECT a woman who knows her worth. Women, just because we know our self worth doesn’t mean we become jaded. The double edge swords for women occurs when the “sense of self worth” become shaded with a “sense of entitlement.” There is a difference and the latter is what causes the most probs and drama for both women AND men.

Men, you also need to deal with your “sense of self worth” vs. “sense of entitlement” issues as well. Ya’ll are not Jay Z or Tyson Beckford. Get ya mind right.

Oh about the numbers game, I believe the more women a man has slept with is directly correlated to the level of respect he has for females - the more women, the less respect. So, in asking a man how many partners he’s “smashed” allows me to see his view on women. That doesn’t mean that if you have only had two partners you respect women more, but statistically ( and this is my own wack study, lol) the more “pimp/player” you are, the less you value women. When it comes to men, actions speak louder than words. As far as women, I feel the more men you have slept with is directly correlated to the level of respect you have for yourself and your body. Not all of us are Samantha from Sex and the City. So stop pretending. Know yourself and your reasons behind your multiple sexual exploitations. I know there is a double standard when it comes to such things, which is wack in and of itself, but there is a difference b/w a bonifide “ho” and a woman who just likes to have sex.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Insecure women want to save men from themselves. They have this sixth sense for scoping out those most in need of saving but don't have the sense enough to ask these men if they even want to be saved. Insecure women get this sort of validation of themselves if they can be the one to "turn a man around." Whether it be turning a gay man straight, a black man white, or (more likely) an asshole into a saint, somehow YOU are going to be his guiding light and make him see the value of a committed relationship with you.

You'll either blame his past, his chaotic upbringing, he had no father, he's from the ghetto, or whatever. You look past all his indiscretions because "He just needs a nice girl like ME to show him what love is..."

But I am sorry ladies, ONCE and asshole, ALWAYS an asshole.

I know that sounds harsh. But it's the TRUTH. The signs are always there in the beginning of the relationship, aren't they? But love is blind. You know there were times when you over-looked certain characteristics and turned the other cheek when you sensed some assholish tendencies. You just brushed it off. Ya know, the way he talks about his friends, or acts towards them behind their backs. The little mean, misogynistic streaks you just laughed off as being sarcastic. The side comments you thought were a little off kilter. ALL the signs were there. You were just holding and hoping for a him to "see the light."

Ladies, yeah, im sure somewhere deeeep down inside he is a nice guy and wants to "see the light". But he isn't about to let you know that. Anytime soon.

So, now you're in this relationship and the circumstances are that much more compounded. Now those comments and actions are more directed towards YOU and all of a sudden you're SUPRISED!?!?! Why is he acting like this all of a sudden? you ask....

HELLOOOO! He was always that way, you were just in denial. Some serious denial.

I know many women out there are saying to themselves, "But he was so nice/sweet/attentive in the beginning!" But OF COURSE HE WAS! He had to get you SOMEHOW, right?!?! If he's really into you, those actions would STILL continue.

What women need to do is become more intuitive and logical. I know those are two aspects that normally don't go together, but hear me out. If you SENSE something is amiss, or if you notice little actions that freak you out, LISTEN to them and take note. Just watch... wait...listen. Then make a LOGICAL decision. Just put two and two together. Sometimes it's easier to leave logic out of the picture - it can be too harsh. But living in a fantasy world will leave you becoming that girl. We all know a few of them and have even told ourselve we could neeeever be thaaaat girl.

Basically, if your man HAS acted this way in the past and is now acting that way towards YOU, he hasn't changed and he never will. At least not with YOU! You are not Mother Teresa whose come to save the assholes from themselves. You must learn that it is okay to be by yourself, you are capable of standing on your own two feet. Just forget them and focus on YOURSELF!

I really don't get it. So many women clutter their minds with this crazy belief system of being able to tame the bad boy. But in reality, not all of us are (or even want to be)Carmen Electra. She managed to turn Dave Navarros' life around (for about FIVE seconds.) She is the ultimate characteristic of a woman fatally attracted to bad boys - anyone remember DENNIS RODMAN?!?! The instances of women taming "bad boys" are few and far between and hanging on to that hope of him changing will eventually end up with you hanging yourself in sorrow. We all know how Dave and Carmen turned out....

Lady's, let us not forget:

Bad boys are just that. BAD BOYS! They actually LIKE being bad. And I don't think they appreciate you coming around trying to change that.

Just look at his past. The throngs of heartbreak left in his wake? Don't just brush this off either! And no, it's not fair to judge someone based on their past, but DAMN! If he was an asshole to ALL his other girlfriends, then what makes you think he wont be one towards you? Seriously. If you like bad boys, please stop complaining about your heart being broken when he peaces out.

Bottom line:

-- You cannot change a person.

-- There are ALWAYS signs of someone's impending Asshole tendencies. Take note!

-- When they start to effect you, leave.

-- And NOT five months down the line. Exit immediately.

--- People change because they WANT to. Not because they CANT. And not because you are a gorgeous/funny/smart/sexy /understanding/(place your adjective here) woman.

--- Bad Boys/Assholes make no apologies for their actions so don't expect to have them crawling back when you do gather the strength to leave.

--- BUT, if they do come, realize that ACTIONS speak louder than the sweet talk they may be spitting at you.

AGAIN, they will change when THEY WANT to. Not BECAUSE of you.

In the mean time. Focus on yourself and your esteem issues and you wont feel the need to CHANGE somone to further validate yourself. And don't for a minute begin the self pity of thinking "if only I was more skinny, or more smart, or had more money, or ANYTHING." You are who you are: take it or leave it. There are PLENTY of fish in the sea that you really shouldn't bother yourself with whales.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Just look at her:

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This is a cry for help, my fellow Americans. A "Condi Call" if you will. By the look on her grill, she needs us now more than ever. For just 10 cents a day you can help save a Condi. No, not a Condor, a Condi. If you can find it in your heart to donate, please do.

All proceeds will go toward the mental rehabilition of this woman and a thorough detox of the political corruption running through her veins. This is the result of years and years of denying her sistah-hood.

Will you help give her back her blackness?

Please make all checks payable to me.

Thank you,

Save the Condi Foundation, Inc.

"Only YOU can prevent a wack Condi"