Sunday, December 10, 2006

Insecure women want to save men from themselves. They have this sixth sense for scoping out those most in need of saving but don't have the sense enough to ask these men if they even want to be saved. Insecure women get this sort of validation of themselves if they can be the one to "turn a man around." Whether it be turning a gay man straight, a black man white, or (more likely) an asshole into a saint, somehow YOU are going to be his guiding light and make him see the value of a committed relationship with you.

You'll either blame his past, his chaotic upbringing, he had no father, he's from the ghetto, or whatever. You look past all his indiscretions because "He just needs a nice girl like ME to show him what love is..."

But I am sorry ladies, ONCE and asshole, ALWAYS an asshole.

I know that sounds harsh. But it's the TRUTH. The signs are always there in the beginning of the relationship, aren't they? But love is blind. You know there were times when you over-looked certain characteristics and turned the other cheek when you sensed some assholish tendencies. You just brushed it off. Ya know, the way he talks about his friends, or acts towards them behind their backs. The little mean, misogynistic streaks you just laughed off as being sarcastic. The side comments you thought were a little off kilter. ALL the signs were there. You were just holding and hoping for a him to "see the light."

Ladies, yeah, im sure somewhere deeeep down inside he is a nice guy and wants to "see the light". But he isn't about to let you know that. Anytime soon.

So, now you're in this relationship and the circumstances are that much more compounded. Now those comments and actions are more directed towards YOU and all of a sudden you're SUPRISED!?!?! Why is he acting like this all of a sudden? you ask....

HELLOOOO! He was always that way, you were just in denial. Some serious denial.

I know many women out there are saying to themselves, "But he was so nice/sweet/attentive in the beginning!" But OF COURSE HE WAS! He had to get you SOMEHOW, right?!?! If he's really into you, those actions would STILL continue.

What women need to do is become more intuitive and logical. I know those are two aspects that normally don't go together, but hear me out. If you SENSE something is amiss, or if you notice little actions that freak you out, LISTEN to them and take note. Just watch... wait...listen. Then make a LOGICAL decision. Just put two and two together. Sometimes it's easier to leave logic out of the picture - it can be too harsh. But living in a fantasy world will leave you becoming that girl. We all know a few of them and have even told ourselve we could neeeever be thaaaat girl.

Basically, if your man HAS acted this way in the past and is now acting that way towards YOU, he hasn't changed and he never will. At least not with YOU! You are not Mother Teresa whose come to save the assholes from themselves. You must learn that it is okay to be by yourself, you are capable of standing on your own two feet. Just forget them and focus on YOURSELF!

I really don't get it. So many women clutter their minds with this crazy belief system of being able to tame the bad boy. But in reality, not all of us are (or even want to be)Carmen Electra. She managed to turn Dave Navarros' life around (for about FIVE seconds.) She is the ultimate characteristic of a woman fatally attracted to bad boys - anyone remember DENNIS RODMAN?!?! The instances of women taming "bad boys" are few and far between and hanging on to that hope of him changing will eventually end up with you hanging yourself in sorrow. We all know how Dave and Carmen turned out....

Lady's, let us not forget:

Bad boys are just that. BAD BOYS! They actually LIKE being bad. And I don't think they appreciate you coming around trying to change that.

Just look at his past. The throngs of heartbreak left in his wake? Don't just brush this off either! And no, it's not fair to judge someone based on their past, but DAMN! If he was an asshole to ALL his other girlfriends, then what makes you think he wont be one towards you? Seriously. If you like bad boys, please stop complaining about your heart being broken when he peaces out.

Bottom line:

-- You cannot change a person.

-- There are ALWAYS signs of someone's impending Asshole tendencies. Take note!

-- When they start to effect you, leave.

-- And NOT five months down the line. Exit immediately.

--- People change because they WANT to. Not because they CANT. And not because you are a gorgeous/funny/smart/sexy /understanding/(place your adjective here) woman.

--- Bad Boys/Assholes make no apologies for their actions so don't expect to have them crawling back when you do gather the strength to leave.

--- BUT, if they do come, realize that ACTIONS speak louder than the sweet talk they may be spitting at you.

AGAIN, they will change when THEY WANT to. Not BECAUSE of you.

In the mean time. Focus on yourself and your esteem issues and you wont feel the need to CHANGE somone to further validate yourself. And don't for a minute begin the self pity of thinking "if only I was more skinny, or more smart, or had more money, or ANYTHING." You are who you are: take it or leave it. There are PLENTY of fish in the sea that you really shouldn't bother yourself with whales.


Blogger DCVita said...

I hear ya! Women AND men should just accept the person they are with for who they really are. So many times, we think we can change small things. There is no such thing as a small thing. Even a person's sense of style says alot about them. If you can't accept them for who they are, then do yourself a favor and move on before you continue wasting your time.

8:05 PM  
Blogger Frankly, Scarlett said...

Good lord you are sooooo right! More women need to learn this!!


2:14 PM  
Blogger SerenityNow said...

DCVita: Amen!! When we realize that we are trying to change someone, we should take a step back and understand that they are who they are. Take it or leave it! One can not really ever change another. It has to happen within.

Scarlett: Thanks girl! I hope others can take this info and relate it to their relationships and perhaps gain a perspective.

8:26 AM  

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