Thursday, September 22, 2011

Monday, September 19, 2011

According to my Parentals, I should have died a long time ago.

No, not in the sense that they didn’t want me around, but I nearly died when I was about 6 mos old. I just... stopped... breathing… and I stopped breathing for some time. My lips were purple, I was turning cold, and my heart wasn’t beating. I was limp as my mother held me, she was screaming and crying. My father, being in the military, knew CPR. He carefully performed it on my diminuative body. So small, he used two fingers to press on my chest and one tiny breath was enough for my lungs. He was not going to stop. He had such determination."Breathe Tanishia, Breathe!! Please breathe!!" Slowly, I began to twitch and let out a little cough. I was alive. To this day they don’t know what it was. But as my father later told me, “You were meant to be here, girl.”

In my search for understanding I have questioned where it is that I am going and how it is that I even got here (here, being my present state of existence.) The starting point is universal for everyone. We are all born and life is thrust upon us. We are crying, wet, and angry. One minute you’re just chillin in the womb, maxin and relaxin in a nice warm hot tub, and BooYaKashaw!! out you go into this cold, cold world. This seems kind of cynical, but metaphorically, this is each and every one of our entrances. And one would hope that such a harsh reality would end there. Life brings us obstacles, adventures, trials and tribulations, happiness and sadness. Life is something that cannot be described nor constrained into mere words. It must be lived. Countless philosophers and religious leaders have fearlessly tackled the question, “What is the meaning of life?” And what is? Perhaps it is something relative to each person. To each his own: view, belief, ideals, hopes, dreams, question’s. In this instance, maybe there are a million and one “meanings of life.”

If one thinks in the grand scheme of things, we are merely one in 6 billion. 6 BILLION!! It can make the little problems seem insignificant. But again, to each his own. I was once questioned on my religious beliefs and was sort of left dumbfounded. What is it that I believe? Like most, I was raised in a religious household. We attended church. We celebrate Christmas, Easter, all the basics. But I can recall times in which I would question my Sunday school teacher. I had quite an active mind back then. Why would God create suffering? Why are some people born into wealth and others born into poverty? Who created the planets? Why are there so many stars? Of course, she looked at me as if I had just taken a hit of crack in front of her face and promptly dismissed my questions.

When I look beyond myself and parallel my foundation as a Christian, there are three existential tennants I firmly believe:

I believe in Hope

I believe in Time

I believe in Destiny.


Hope is something that one cannot live without. “Keep hope alive” they say. Everyday there are people hoping for something. It can lead our imaginations to far off lands in which the world is a perfect place without pain, suffering, strife. Close your eyes, and all your hopes and dreams can come true. One can hope for a new car, a new house, that their check clears next week, or that the Chipotle hasn’t run out of guacamole by the time you arrive. Keeping hope alive helps keep us alive. It provides a hint of optimism in a world often lacking it. I truly believe it to be an innate psychological component in humans. A mental survival kit, if you will.

I believe in time for it is an entity in which no man on earth has been able to capture. One dreams of time machines in which the capabilities are endless. Rewind to the past, fast forward to the future. If you could turn back time, would you ? Of course!! But it is not at anyone one of our disposals, now is it? It is something we on earth can never truly surpass. Time stops for no one. With every second, every minute, every hour we are ourselves changed never to return to that state previous. It’s quite an amazing phenomena when one doesn’t take its existence for granted. When time becomes a matter of constraint, hope allows you to imagine the future and accept the past

Destiny is something more spiritually based. It requires a great deal of faith in that the life you lead is the life set out for you. I feel that there is a plan for all of us, although, at times, we may not be able to recognize it. In destiny, everything happens for a reason. Understanding this allows for us to live each moment as it comes and to not worry so much about a dinky ole time machine. It allows one to focus on the present. This is not to say wipe out your savings account and go blindly through life! But more that each and everyone one of us has some path in which we are destined to follow in lieu of the decisions we make.

There is a saying that “The flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month's time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does.” (Ian Stewart) This quotes seems more pertinent today regarding the slew of natural disasters occurring throughout the globe (New Orleans, Tsunami in Asia, Earthquakes on the East Coast) In addition, it helps to further illustrate the idea of destiny. So maybe it wasn’t the butterfly’s fault that you didn’t get into the college of your dreams, but there is a cosmic reason behind it. Faith in that belief will aid you as you journey through life’s ups and downs.

We as humans are at a loss of power and control in the realms of destiny. It may seem ill hearted to relate such catastrophic events such as the Tsunami in Asia and Hurricane Katrina to that realm, but by definition, destiny yeilds to no one. Relaying that these events were "meant to be" seems harsh to those involved, but destiny can be that way. It is not always something that we envisioned and may not always be positive. But it is all in the plan of life in all its glory.

There are many other things in which I believe but will discuss another day. Just felt like being “deep” for a moment in my life.