Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I was talking with some of my girlfriends a while back about what it means to grow up and leave behind the good old days of partying all night long and living life as if it were going outta style. Though none of us are totally into geezerdom and still enjoy our partying ways, we have noted some tell tail signs that none of us can deny. For one; we cant drink like we used to (that kind of saddens me a smidge.) Two; I personally have found ONE grey hair..... collectively 4. Three; we find ourselves worried about retirement funds and investing. Four; our taste in music has slightly evolved from the teeny bopper pop hits to more sophisticated tunes. Five; What's Nickelodeon? The list went on and on and on. Towards the end of the conversation we all came to the conclusion that we would watch out for each other throughout the years as to ensure that our demise into old age isn't completely unbearable. So, as we sat around drinking our wine (yes, wine!! I think that's another sign of my old ass) we defined "completely unbearable" to mean "Mom Jeans." That night we held hands and swore to never allow another to be caught dead in "Mom Jeans."

Those who don't know what "Mom Jeans" are need to recognize now so that you can perhaps save one of your friends in the future. For an idea, just look into any elementary or junior high school parking lot. You should see a row of mini-vans along the side of the road waiting to pick up some children. The woman in the driver seat is more than likely wearing a quilted vest complete with the undeniable "Mom Jeans." The quilted vest tends to correspond with the seasons; pumpkins, Santas, or Easter bunnies. Sometimes these "Mom Jeaners" will get out of the car (to the despair of their teenage children) and wait outside with milk and cookies and a hug. You see these "M.J.ers" in the grocery store with their kids in tow searching through the cereal aisle bright and early on Saturday mornings usually as your hung-over ass is searching throw the medicine aisle looking for Tylenol.

This "Mom Jeans" ideal doesnt just affect the mothers. No, No. There are those without children who have been bit by the "M.J,"bug. Scarlet Johanssen for example walked out in broad daylight in a pair of "Mom Jeans." As you can see, this epidemic does not discriminate. Basically the main idea is this; as soon as we start to "look" our age, we promised each other to bitch slap some sense and a stylist into our consciousness.

Watch this clip for a visual representation of what NOT to wear. And I swear to god if anyone one of you bitches see me wearing Mom Jeans and dont say anything some caps will be busted.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Aren't We All Just A Little Retarded?

In some way, shape, or form, I think we all have a little bit of "Duuuuuh" in us. If any of you have seen the show, "The Mind Of Mencia" then you can understand the concept of, "DER DER Duuuh." If not, then imagine a moment when someone has completely missed the point of a situation and you blurt out, "A, DUUUH!" You have to extend the "Duh" for a while to get the full effect.

Anyways, I recently took an IQ test and found out that my "DUH" is located in my organizational skills. Apparently, I am completely retarded in this aspect of my life. I scored a perfect on my linguistic skills and other areas, but that's neither here nor there. How am I gonna bust out a 21 out of 100 on Organizational Reasoning????? I am feeling highly defeated at this moment. I mean, that's not even passing! That's like, why are you even driving to work? There should be a short bus to take you from point A to point B in life.

With this new found information on my lack of organizational skills, I decided to look into the idea of what defines intelligence. In my opinion, there are many different forms of intelligence which manifest themselves on various levels. In this regard, I also believe that some forms of intelligence are more pertinent that others. For example, and what I am about to say may piss a lot of people off, but, I honestly feel that Hitler and President Bush are geniuses. I am in no way comparing the two as far as political inclinations, but I am merely stating that it takes an incredible amount of emotional, organizational, and rational intelligence to achieve the monumental accomplishments (I'm using the term lightly) that they have. They surpassed certain types of intelligence and honed into a reservoir that made them great.

Now, what makes these too figures different than say, your Nobel Peace prize (Einstein), Pulitzer, or other more academically geared intellectuals? Are scientific and political intelligence mutually exclusive? And if so, is projecting one aspect of intelligent more valid than projecting the other?

Some ponderance.....

I beg the question as to whether or not one can have both and be successful. Politicians have what some would call a certain "Je Ne Sais Quoi." This sort of charismatic quality that eludes description. Both President Bush AND Hitler were able to move hordes of people towards their beliefs and ideals through their ability to appeal whole-heartily to the masses. Does this constitute the highest form of intelligence? I feel it does. Perhaps it is defined as Societal Intelligence: The fascinating ability to know your target and predict their behavior. In these instances, the target was society and their prediction was to immobilize them.

Take, for example, the 2004 election results. The states that voted unanimously for Bush were those with the lowest average IQ scores. Apparently, it takes an ignorant person to fall for the charisma of an elected official. So, it should follow, that the more intelligent you are the more charisma you contain.

For those whose intelligence lies on more scientific means, do they lack charisma? Furthermore, does this lack of charisma translate into a lesser form of intelligence?

There are many people who are brilliant in the eyes of science and technology, so much so, that new developments are charted every day. Today, there is almost nothing that cannot be cured, treated, solved, or understood without the magnificent minds of our scientists. Scientists deal with cold, hard facts. 1 plus 1 always and forever equals 2. There is no need to sway or manipulate the public into believing any ideal. Scientist do, however, have means of manipulating controlled trials as a mean for research. Does this minimize their intellectual persona?

Perhaps it is all relative to what one values in regards to what the ultimate level of intelligence is. Some of my friends noted that maybe it's as simple as those with minimal levels of intelligence resort to charisma while those with high intelligence merely perform without the need to sway anyone from one side to the other. There is some validity in this theory as well. So Dubya and Hilter are actually retarded but can talk a good game, i.e, compose high levels of Societal Intelligence....


My "Der Der Duh" does not afford me the final answer to such a question. But it's an intriguing one, none the less. Political Intelligence Vs. Scientific Intelligence....

Who is actually smarter?
Can I just say something? And I don't really care if this is t.m.i....

I hate going to the doctor with a passion of a thousand fiery suns. For a woman it's hell! Okay, maybe not hell, but somewhere near hell. Like, AlmostHellsville. For someone who is already a hypochondriac the event is almost as impossible to stomach as watching Star Jones (pre-anorexic) drop it like it's hot. But I digress...

First off, let me just say that my reg doc was outta town (bitch!) and was all like, "Oh, don't worry. You'll be fine. I'll give you a great reference" Yeah, great my booty!!! The doctor she ended up referring me to was first of all MY AGE and second of all MY AGE!! She was like some freakin Doogie Howser MD! She not only made me feel like I have done absolutely nothing with my life but was also talking in this Sweet Valley High voice that made me want to run from the gynecological hills. The whole time I was like, "SHE is a doctor??? MY doctor!!" I mean, someone YOUR AGE and in your PEER group all up in your grill! Uuugh!!! Let me tell you, in this instance you have a lot of things in common and this (unfortunately) leads to lengthy conversations.

Case in point:

She was trying to make light conversation and such, perhaps to try and divert from the fact that she was copping a feel. She went to JMU, and I, Virginia Tech. So we had some sort of "bonding session" due to the fact our schools are both off of interstate 81. While examining my lady-bits she discussed the partying she used to do at Tech as well as JMU and how she goes to DC often with her friends. We have even frequented the same clubs!!! I mean, what if I decide I want to go to KStreet Lounge and I see her there. Like, "Hey girl! How are ya? Thanks for delving into my nether regions the other day, you're the best!!!"


I had an ex-JMU party girl all up in my junks. Good lord. Thank god this is like, a once a year endeavor 'cause, seriously, I feel violated. I am mad my doctor recommended me to her - am I a guinea pig??? They need to teach these new doctors the proper conversations to have whilst molesting their patients. I know guys go through the same thing and all, with the whole "turn your head and cough" business.... but damn....