According to my Parentals, I should have died a long time ago.

No, not in the sense that they didn’t want me around, but I nearly died when I was about 6 mos old. I just... stopped... breathing… and I stopped breathing for some time. My lips were purple, I was turning cold, and my heart wasn’t beating. I was limp as my mother held me, she was screaming and crying. My father, being in the military, knew CPR. He carefully performed it on my diminuative body. So small, he used two fingers to press on my chest and one tiny breath was enough for my lungs. He was not going to stop. He had such determination."Breathe Tanishia, Breathe!! Please breathe!!" Slowly, I began to twitch and let out a little cough. I was alive. To this day they don’t know what it was. But as my father later told me, “You were meant to be here, girl.”

In my search for understanding I have questioned where it is that I am going and how it is that I even got here (here, being my present state of existence.) The starting point is universal for everyone. We are all born and life is thrust upon us. We are crying, wet, and angry. One minute you’re just chillin in the womb, maxin and relaxin in a nice warm hot tub, and BooYaKashaw!! out you go into this cold, cold world. This seems kind of cynical, but metaphorically, this is each and every one of our entrances. And one would hope that such a harsh reality would end there. Life brings us obstacles, adventures, trials and tribulations, happiness and sadness. Life is something that cannot be described nor constrained into mere words. It must be lived. Countless philosophers and religious leaders have fearlessly tackled the question, “What is the meaning of life?” And what is? Perhaps it is something relative to each person. To each his own: view, belief, ideals, hopes, dreams, question’s. In this instance, maybe there are a million and one “meanings of life.”

If one thinks in the grand scheme of things, we are merely one in 6 billion. 6 BILLION!! It can make the little problems seem insignificant. But again, to each his own. I was once questioned on my religious beliefs and was sort of left dumbfounded. What is it that I believe? Like most, I was raised in a religious household. We attended church. We celebrate Christmas, Easter, all the basics. But I can recall times in which I would question my Sunday school teacher. I had quite an active mind back then. Why would God create suffering? Why are some people born into wealth and others born into poverty? Who created the planets? Why are there so many stars? Of course, she looked at me as if I had just taken a hit of crack in front of her face and promptly dismissed my questions.

When I look beyond myself and parallel my foundation as a Christian, there are three existential tennants I firmly believe:

I believe in Hope

I believe in Time

I believe in Destiny.

Hope is something that one cannot live without. “Keep hope alive” they say. Everyday there are people hoping for something. It can lead our imaginations to far off lands in which the world is a perfect place without pain, suffering, strife. Close your eyes, and all your hopes and dreams can come true. One can hope for a new car, a new house, that their check clears next week, or that the Chipotle hasn’t run out of guacamole by the time you arrive. Keeping hope alive helps keep us alive. It provides a hint of optimism in a world often lacking it. I truly believe it to be an innate psychological component in humans. A mental survival kit, if you will.

I believe in time for it is an entity in which no man on earth has been able to capture. One dreams of time machines in which the capabilities are endless. Rewind to the past, fast forward to the future. If you could turn back time, would you ? Of course!! But it is not at anyone one of our disposals, now is it? It is something we on earth can never truly surpass. Time stops for no one. With every second, every minute, every hour we are ourselves changed never to return to that state previous. It’s quite an amazing phenomena when one doesn’t take its existence for granted. When time becomes a matter of constraint, hope allows you to imagine the future and accept the past

Destiny is something more spiritually based. It requires a great deal of faith in that the life you lead is the life set out for you. I feel that there is a plan for all of us, although, at times, we may not be able to recognize it. In destiny, everything happens for a reason. Understanding this allows for us to live each moment as it comes and to not worry so much about a dinky ole time machine. It allows one to focus on the present. This is not to say wipe out your savings account and go blindly through life! But more that each and everyone one of us has some path in which we are destined to follow in lieu of the decisions we make.

There is a saying that “The flapping of a single butterfly's wing today produces a tiny change in the state of the atmosphere. Over a period of time, what the atmosphere actually does diverges from what it would have done. So, in a month's time, a tornado that would have devastated the Indonesian coast doesn't happen. Or maybe one that wasn't going to happen, does.” (Ian Stewart) This quotes seems more pertinent today regarding the slew of natural disasters occurring throughout the globe (New Orleans, Tsunami in Asia, Earthquakes on the East Coast) In addition, it helps to further illustrate the idea of destiny. So maybe it wasn’t the butterfly’s fault that you didn’t get into the college of your dreams, but there is a cosmic reason behind it. Faith in that belief will aid you as you journey through life’s ups and downs.

We as humans are at a loss of power and control in the realms of destiny. It may seem ill hearted to relate such catastrophic events such as the Tsunami in Asia and Hurricane Katrina to that realm, but by definition, destiny yeilds to no one. Relaying that these events were "meant to be" seems harsh to those involved, but destiny can be that way. It is not always something that we envisioned and may not always be positive. But it is all in the plan of life in all its glory.

There are many other things in which I believe but will discuss another day. Just felt like being “deep” for a moment in my life.

Independent Women/ ABC Special

BLACK WOMEN'S CALL TO ACTION:





BLACK MEN CALL TO ACTION:




WATCH BOTH.

We all have got to do better.

I recently wrote on the topic of entertainment and our fascinations with it. Entertainment in all its forms is mind-numbing to say the least. But what happens when this mind numbing aspect subconsciously perpetuates a certain ideology?

To my black actors out there in this world, I would like for you to explain to me something:

When, in the name of all things ghetto, did it become acceptable for you to put on a fat suit and play a black woman? Is this the image you want to perpetuate? The cliched overbearing, domineering black woman? Is that all you see when you look at your fellow sisters? Living in this world with preconceived notions towards African Americans should have prevented such an act to even occur. Tyler Perry, the Wayans brothers, Martin Lawrence, and Eddie Murphy, I have some words for ya'll……

There is a hell of a lot more to us than being black, loud, obnoxious, or just plain "Ghetto". We are doctors, lawyers, teachers, congress women, mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, nieces, aunties, and friends. We are more than our hair. We are more than our booty's. We are more than hip-hop and collard greens. We are more than these stigmas you are helping to perpetuate. We are a culture, a history, a people. We are one.

Putting on those suits, in all its humor and vulgarity, is the equivalent of putting on black-face. You, my fellow African American actors, are mocking us. You are belittling us. You are degrading us all at the sake of a little humor and some fast cash. You are modern day "Coons" playing modern day "Mammy's."

Okay people, focus...

When I saw the movie trailers for Norbit, I could not believe my eyes. Was this all that Eddie could do? How does one come from Dream Girls, a positive and uplifting movie on the black experience, to one, which fully and wholeheartedly degrades black women and in essence castrates the black man? Why is it that in so many of Eddie's movies, his main character is always in an unintentional love triangle between the busted, heifer, dark-skinned Black woman and the ultra-feminine, obviously-more desired light-skinned Black woman? For the love of god, WHY?

And now, for the love of all things crack, they are making a Big Momma's House TWO. Kill me now.

Eddie and Martin's depictions are pinning our people against our own people. I have seen this happen not only in the black community, but in many other cultures as well. The lighter your skin, the skinnier you are, the better, or more apealing you are. This is the way of the world and it isn't right. You are pinning women against men, Eddie. This is a public service announcement to you:

STOP!

When these movies are shipped to other countries what do you think they must think of us? We, according to the media's depiction, are gang banging, drug dealing, baggy jeans wearing, video ho-ing, loud-mouthed, ignorant, domineering people. Is that what we are? Is that what image you want to have projected? We as a people deserve better. To be honest, this movie isn't even the half of it. The media continues to perpetuate this insane image of African Americans and African Americans are in turn allowing it to be perpetuated! Did we not just get over Michael Richards tirade and Paris Hilton's nigga speak?

Now, granted, these movies are made to be humorous. Who can deny the Nutty Professor ("Hercules, Hercules!")? Diary of a Mad Black Woman was another great movie as well. But, Big Mommas House? The Klumps? Madeia's Family Reunion? White Chicks with the Wayans brothers? BIG MOMMA'S HOUSE TWO! What are we laughing at the expense of? There is more to the black community than dressing up black men to play the utmost horrible stereotype towards black women. Is there nothing else the black man in the media can fulfill? I'm sorry, but this genre is played the fuck out.

Ask Dave Chapelle about this. He will school you on the difference between laughing with us and laughing in spite of us. Oh, and this isn't about "lightening up" and "taking a joke." Dave Chapelle is hilarious and I'd like to think I have a pretty bomb sense of humor. I know this movie was prob funny and has some aspects to it that make it a "comedy." I am also wise enough to know that this issue goes deeper, much deeper than having a few chuckles.

This movie and those like it not only touch on the aspects of racial stigmatism but sexism as well. Actually, this movie is FILLED with "isms:"

Racism
Sexism
Ageism
Sizeism
Wackism
Stupidism

This movie is a comedy at the expense of a stereotyped black woman. Point. Blank. Period. Oh, and Will Smith, don't even think about it.




Thank you for allowing me to post this public service announcement. We are now tuning into our regularly scheduled program:

:

The other day I was walking through the grocery store minding my own damn business when I found myself in the snack food aisle. Now, one may ask how one "finds" themselves in the snack food aisle for there are no lack of signs posted throughout the store indicating where certain food groups are, but, whatever. That day, I somehow did a "Toucan Sam" and followed my nose right into a bag of magical Lay's potato chips. Magical you may say? Yes. Magical indeed.

Now, in my heroic quest towards looking sexy on New Years potato chips are strictly off limits. And when I say strictly, I mean, don't even look at the bag lest you gain 15lbs. I know, it's hard core, but man, looking fly when the ball drops is my life-force at this moment. LIFE-FORCE I tell you!

Anyways, as I paced up and down the aisles the dilectable array of flavorful chips was profound! There's sour cream, sour cream and cheddar, barbeque, baked barbeque, ones with ripples, ones without ripples, ones with waves, ones without waves, kettle cooked sea salted, unsalted, lightly salted, sea salted with black pepper…..

I died a small death looking at the many splendors. How was I to choose? As my eyes glazed in culinary glory, I snapped to. "What am I even thinking?" I said to myself. "it will be here before I know it!" I turned to leave the aisle, knowing that it was for the best. As soon as I hit the Cheetos, however, something glimmered. I glanced back and my eyes befell a new brand of Lay's entitled "Jalepeno." But wait. Not only were they "Jalepeno" They were "Kettle Cooked."

I know, people. I know. *shaking my head*

"Are you serious?" I said to myself. I slowly walked towards the sparkly aura. "Are the potato gods out to harm me in my pursuit of New Years?" I thought for one moment of a minute and rationed to myself, "Well, they are Jalepeno flavored chips and, well, they say spice is the spice of life... right? Could this be a sign from the heavens?"

So, as Britney would grab a pair of scissors at the salon, as did I grab that bag of "Jalepeno Kettle Cooked" potato chips. Holding it ever so gently, I caressed the label as one would a small child. Many potato chip connoisseurs will have you know, this is mandatory in the acquisition of a bag of potato chips; one doesn't want a bag full of crumbs. I contemplated the caloric impact the bag would have on my body and remembered their old motto, "One cannot eat just one." I thought for another moment and said, "I got this! I can eat one and be straight. They don't know me!" So, off to the register and home I went with my new found joy in my hand.

Placing the bag on the kitchen counter with the intentions of opening it the following day, I plopped in front of my television. I told myself I would have one (okay maybe a handful) of chips a day. I would pace myself so that I would not eat the bag in a week, but maybe in two.

Well, let me tell you, that bag had a mind of its own. It came to life I tell you! Somehow, someway, it managed to maneuver its little baggy self into my hand. I'm telling you, it must have been some divine intervention that allowed that mystical bag into my hand - opened. "What can one do?" I shrugged and continued with precisely ONE handful of potato chips. I was watching "Real Housewives of Atlanta" and all was right with the world.

Around 3am I woke up slightly disheveled. Not remembering much of the evening, I arose from the couch and heard crunching sounds. I peered upon my chest only to find crumbs scattered about my blouse. Each move I made resulted in a corresponding "CRUNCH!!" I quickly stood up, and I kid you not, no less than eight potato chips fell onto the floor. In a panic I searched for the bag. "Where did it go?" I questioned. On my hands and knees I frantically looked under the table sweeping from left to right. To my horror lay an empty bag. That bag my friends, was that of my mystical "Jalepeno Kettle Cooked" Lay's.

"Are. You. Serious?" I whispered.

That bag of Lay's filled with its potato treasures and Latin magical spices had somehow became a shell of its former self. The resulting affect of which being my crunch covered and bloated body sprawled on the couch in what appeared to be potato induced coma.

"Whaaaat have I dooooone! Noooooo!!! Blasphemy to you Potato Gods! Blasphemy!!" I screamed, my hands flailing in the air.

The power of the Lay's had taken over. My friends, when they say, "You cannot eat just one" believe that mess. Lay's tells you no lies. As one would believe the health warnings on prescription medication, head the warnings of Lay's "Jalepeno Kettle Cooked" potato chips lest you wake up crunch covered and lookin like who done it and why.

You can find me chained to the treadmill for the next week. Thanks.

Good LAWD I forgot about this little ole blog I started some years ago! It's kind of awesome to read through my previous posts and see how much (or little) I have grown in some aspects of my life.

I can't believe I stepped away from something I loved so much! I am newly inspired as of late, so let's see where this little vernacular vehicle takes me :)

Dude, wackness of the century.

I was on this Facebook forum and noticed a man wrote a rant about women and their expectations. I will post it here as well as my response to his madness.

The Wackness:

Its a must i respond to the man-hating going on over at Syd's blog...
its so neccessary. Im not gonna mince words, Ima just get right to it.
(btw, if it sounds harsh, i dont mean it to, im just playin with yall,
u know that already tho)
ON WITH IT!!!

Women have way too many expectations. Not that you arent allowed to
expect certain things, many of you just WANT WANT WANT without working
to GET GET GET. The best way to get the perfect man (or woman) in many
cases is to make them yourself. Heres what I mean:

Not every guy you run into a) has the ability to read blogs and
whatnot to find out how and how not to approach women, b) has the
money or means to afford such upkeep (sad but damn true), or c) has
any reason to even care. In such cases, they need help. Women you
swear you are willing to work with your man but all i hear is 'we
wanna man that can do this and do that'. Well what if they CANT, dont
know HOW, or dont WANT to because they figure whats the point?

Create your man. Get you an ugly duckling and turn him into the Prince
of the Ball. The one advantage that this creates above all others is
LOYALTY.

Instead you get men who already got it like dat and then he ends up
treating you wrong and sleeping with ya girl. (yeah we didnt see THAT
one coming).

////

Heres what WE want:

1. Do your toes. No guy wants a girl thats fine right down until you
get to the toes and you got Eagle talons with ashy heels... Fix ya
feet ladies... please. We want to be able to say our girl is fine from
head to toe, not from head to "almost" the toes.

2. Already said it... SHAVE SHAVE SHAVE... and when you aint shit else
to shave. SHAVE summo. We dont want our boys to say "Slim? yeah he go
out wit dat Yeti from up north."

3. Dont go bragging about us to your friends when something is good
and then talk shit about us when something goes wrong. If you with
us... you are WITH us. We dont want no hot/cold weather days. THAT
(for the record) is how you end up gettin called a 'crazy bit**"

4. THERE IS NO QUOTA for talking on the phone. OK? We are not required
to spend X amount of minutes per day on the phone with you. Its
QUALITY not QUANTITY. You wanna talk that bad, get a recorder and talk
to yaself.

5. When we approach you, DO NOT be quick to assume that we are trying
to smash... ok? Smashing comes later (lol) but for the time being, why
cant we really be trying to actually TALK to you. Maybe we are sick of
the endless amounts of dumb chicks walking around here and truly want
to talk to someone about more than the Real World and/or Athletes.

6. A LOT of yall need to stop asking guys how many women they've slept
with. Its obvious that many of yall dont really want to know, as is
evident by the decreased volume of phone calls once the number is put
out there. On that note, stop asking us questions that you ALREADY
KNOW you wont believe the answers to. You ask us stuff knowing that
youre going to ask someone ELSE the answer on top of what we say.
Shame.

7. Women... listen carefully, this one is near and dear to my heart.
If you are involved with someone new and that old someone is still
around tryin to get at you, then get RID of person 2. I cant seem to
get yall to understand, there is a thing called HOPE and as long as
you dont tell a guy straight up to "LEAVE YOU THE F*CK ALONE" he will
continue to get at you because he HOPES that you will give in. He
HOPES that because you didnt tell him to F*ck off, that he must still
care.
(then you wanna ack like we wrong when we wanna whoop his ass)

8. Underarm deodorant... IF WE CAN SEE IT... ITS GROSS... get rid of
the white residue... rub it in or something... we dont like that.

9. Stop stabbing each other in the back. Its my opinion that guys are
much more loyal to each other than women are to one another. Maybe im
wrong but i dont think so considering i have females actually agreeing
with me.

10. Do women DATE anymore? Im curious

11. Common misconception... We dont like no punks either. Yall dont
want no soft men, we dont want no PUNK girls either. So get ya WEIGHT
up. Figuratively. Dont want no Moniques when you were originally a
Halle Berry. I guess that was point 12. oh well.

12. Also women... i appreciate your sincere attempts at letting guys
of easy (i.e. wrong phone number -- never happened to me *smile*) but
i was at a club recently and a friend of mine was tryna get at another
friend of mine. I wasnt gonna play match maker so they had at it. He
gettin at her... she pushing him off to her friend in a sly way. He
noticed but neither one of them led on to know what other was doing.
Long story short. He didnt like it, i wouldnt like it either. We are
big boys, we can take rejection. Some of us... others cry like bitches
but most of us can take it. Just tell us what it is.

GET AT ME





My Response
Expectations, expectations, expectations!!!

When someone enters into a relationship expecting this or expecting that, there is always going to be drama. Essentially, meeting someone new is a blank slate. That slate soon becomes tarnished with crazy expectations and unreasonable demands. I find that some men and women have this “sense of entitlement” straight Kanye/P. Diddy style. I don’t know where it may come from, but walking around like your shit don’t stank will only attract shit. But I digress…..

In the beginning of a relationship there is always that euphoric feeling- that honeymoon phase- where the excitement of that special someone overrides any possible flaws they may have. This phase lasts but a minute and soon all those "expectations" you pushed aside in the beginning start to take over.

I believe there to be a difference between expectations and STANDARDS. Standards I feel are those that you put into action OFF THE BREAK. Say you're talking to a girl/guy and their toes are busted. According to you, that's a standard you are not willing to put up with. NEXT, lol! For others, being college educated, ambitious, and having a basic sense of REALITY are standards that allow for that second date. Standards can also be known as “deal breakers.”

I believe that women aren't necessary full of insane expectations insomuch as we have standards that can be exceedingly high. This can be to our detriment as well as to our benefit. I'm sorry, but not all of us are gonna holler (or allow a holleration from) a scrub of the century. When I say scrub, I mean still living in your momma's house, yo momma still cooks and cleans for you, you don’t have a job/career, basically a lack of ambition or drive. I KNOW men expect the same thing. They don’t want a woman who sits at home all day eating bon-bons and watching Soap Operas all damn day. Have some ambition, some drive, a sense of wanting to grow as a person. These are called STANDARDS.

As someone has noted, everyone has different standards. A happy relationship occurs when both party’s standards ( or values) are parallel to each other. Sometimes meeting someone who meets your standards takes a while. Herein lies the problem with a lot of women and men. When your standards are SO HIGH don’t expect to find someone ASAP! You are being hypocritical in that you list allll these things you expect out of a woman, but complain when a woman has the same concerns!!


* Men: Don’t hate cause all the women you meet are “Dumb Chicks” Hello? But the club isn’t the place to holla at a girl. How about you take up a hobbie and find a girl there? The bookstore? Damn Church!?!?!?! Oh, and don’t say “women don’t date” when all you are looking for is the next Halle Barry with perfect toes and a hairless poon nay nay who shouldn’t expect a call from you but once a week. LOL!!

It will seriously take a lifetime to find these ideals. But if that is what YOU want, then you deserve to have it – never settle. But in this same instance, don’t complain about the long (and sometimes lonely) process of getting there.

As far as shaving the balls/poon, toes, etc. As you have noted, it's all SUPERFICIAL. You can get your toes done, get a brazillian, etc. If your girls toes are looking like who done it and why, buy her a spa package for her bday/xmas/valentines day, whatever. Same goes for women. If you care about someone, those things seem to not matter, do they?

I believe the younger the girl/guy, the more superficial the expectations get. Maturity is the cure for superficial expectations. As you age you begin to realize that PERSONALITY and VALUES last longer than that manicure, weight, body type, or pair of Air Force ones. I'm sorry, but when we are all 55yrs old our toes are gonna be busted, you men are all gonna be bald with beer bellies, and we women may put on a little weight (can you say CHILDBIRTH?) . Lol! So sad, but so true. Look at your grandparents. I'm sure some of ya'll got some fly grannies - but still. Ya’ll know what I'm getting at.

(about the balls though, I mean, they DO have scissors. Just do a lil trim, lol. Cut them naps off at least! Steady hands make for a clean shave!)

Oh, about the smashing thang, PLEASE let’s all be honest here. The men in the age range that allows Facebook accounts, I'll say 18-28yrs (have to account for them grad students) are all interested in ONE thing. Please men, be honest with your selves. It is a biological instinct. It’s nothing against your gender or anything, its mere nature. You see a fine lady and you imagine what it would be like to “get to herrrrrrrr and her booooooty!” DONT LIE!! So, us women KNOWING THIS, will put up a slight front. Why do you think all our daddy's didn’t want us dating in high school (or sometimes college for that matter, lol!) They KNEW what ya'll were about! And again, it's nothing against your gender (or ours for that matter) it’s just the reality of it. So please don’t hate on those that decide to place a value on our "Goodies" and make you work for it. I find that men RESPECT a woman who knows her worth. Women, just because we know our self worth doesn’t mean we become jaded. The double edge swords for women occurs when the “sense of self worth” become shaded with a “sense of entitlement.” There is a difference and the latter is what causes the most probs and drama for both women AND men.

Men, you also need to deal with your “sense of self worth” vs. “sense of entitlement” issues as well. Ya’ll are not Jay Z or Tyson Beckford. Get ya mind right.

Oh about the numbers game, I believe the more women a man has slept with is directly correlated to the level of respect he has for females - the more women, the less respect. So, in asking a man how many partners he’s “smashed” allows me to see his view on women. That doesn’t mean that if you have only had two partners you respect women more, but statistically ( and this is my own wack study, lol) the more “pimp/player” you are, the less you value women. When it comes to men, actions speak louder than words. As far as women, I feel the more men you have slept with is directly correlated to the level of respect you have for yourself and your body. Not all of us are Samantha from Sex and the City. So stop pretending. Know yourself and your reasons behind your multiple sexual exploitations. I know there is a double standard when it comes to such things, which is wack in and of itself, but there is a difference b/w a bonifide “ho” and a woman who just likes to have sex.

Insecure women want to save men from themselves. They have this sixth sense for scoping out those most in need of saving but don't have the sense enough to ask these men if they even want to be saved. Insecure women get this sort of validation of themselves if they can be the one to "turn a man around." Whether it be turning a gay man straight, a black man white, or (more likely) an asshole into a saint, somehow YOU are going to be his guiding light and make him see the value of a committed relationship with you.

You'll either blame his past, his chaotic upbringing, he had no father, he's from the ghetto, or whatever. You look past all his indiscretions because "He just needs a nice girl like ME to show him what love is..."

But I am sorry ladies, ONCE and asshole, ALWAYS an asshole.

I know that sounds harsh. But it's the TRUTH. The signs are always there in the beginning of the relationship, aren't they? But love is blind. You know there were times when you over-looked certain characteristics and turned the other cheek when you sensed some assholish tendencies. You just brushed it off. Ya know, the way he talks about his friends, or acts towards them behind their backs. The little mean, misogynistic streaks you just laughed off as being sarcastic. The side comments you thought were a little off kilter. ALL the signs were there. You were just holding and hoping for a him to "see the light."

Ladies, yeah, im sure somewhere deeeep down inside he is a nice guy and wants to "see the light". But he isn't about to let you know that. Anytime soon.

So, now you're in this relationship and the circumstances are that much more compounded. Now those comments and actions are more directed towards YOU and all of a sudden you're SUPRISED!?!?! Why is he acting like this all of a sudden? you ask....

HELLOOOO! He was always that way, you were just in denial. Some serious denial.

I know many women out there are saying to themselves, "But he was so nice/sweet/attentive in the beginning!" But OF COURSE HE WAS! He had to get you SOMEHOW, right?!?! If he's really into you, those actions would STILL continue.

What women need to do is become more intuitive and logical. I know those are two aspects that normally don't go together, but hear me out. If you SENSE something is amiss, or if you notice little actions that freak you out, LISTEN to them and take note. Just watch... wait...listen. Then make a LOGICAL decision. Just put two and two together. Sometimes it's easier to leave logic out of the picture - it can be too harsh. But living in a fantasy world will leave you becoming that girl. We all know a few of them and have even told ourselve we could neeeever be thaaaat girl.

Basically, if your man HAS acted this way in the past and is now acting that way towards YOU, he hasn't changed and he never will. At least not with YOU! You are not Mother Teresa whose come to save the assholes from themselves. You must learn that it is okay to be by yourself, you are capable of standing on your own two feet. Just forget them and focus on YOURSELF!

I really don't get it. So many women clutter their minds with this crazy belief system of being able to tame the bad boy. But in reality, not all of us are (or even want to be)Carmen Electra. She managed to turn Dave Navarros' life around (for about FIVE seconds.) She is the ultimate characteristic of a woman fatally attracted to bad boys - anyone remember DENNIS RODMAN?!?! The instances of women taming "bad boys" are few and far between and hanging on to that hope of him changing will eventually end up with you hanging yourself in sorrow. We all know how Dave and Carmen turned out....

Lady's, let us not forget:

Bad boys are just that. BAD BOYS! They actually LIKE being bad. And I don't think they appreciate you coming around trying to change that.

Just look at his past. The throngs of heartbreak left in his wake? Don't just brush this off either! And no, it's not fair to judge someone based on their past, but DAMN! If he was an asshole to ALL his other girlfriends, then what makes you think he wont be one towards you? Seriously. If you like bad boys, please stop complaining about your heart being broken when he peaces out.

Bottom line:

-- You cannot change a person.

-- There are ALWAYS signs of someone's impending Asshole tendencies. Take note!

-- When they start to effect you, leave.

-- And NOT five months down the line. Exit immediately.

--- People change because they WANT to. Not because they CANT. And not because you are a gorgeous/funny/smart/sexy /understanding/(place your adjective here) woman.

--- Bad Boys/Assholes make no apologies for their actions so don't expect to have them crawling back when you do gather the strength to leave.

--- BUT, if they do come, realize that ACTIONS speak louder than the sweet talk they may be spitting at you.


AGAIN, they will change when THEY WANT to. Not BECAUSE of you.

In the mean time. Focus on yourself and your esteem issues and you wont feel the need to CHANGE somone to further validate yourself. And don't for a minute begin the self pity of thinking "if only I was more skinny, or more smart, or had more money, or ANYTHING." You are who you are: take it or leave it. There are PLENTY of fish in the sea that you really shouldn't bother yourself with whales.